What Now?

It may seem surreal to be divorced and especially so if you were married a long time. According to Pew Research, the divorce rate for adults ages 50 and up has close to doubled in recent years while the rate has fallen for other demographic groups.

If you have experienced what is often termed gray divorce, meaning you were married over 20+ years and are in your 50’s, 60’s or older then it may take sometime for the official nature of your divorce to sink in.

Having a divorce be finalized is often a very emotional experience. There is no right reaction or way of dealing with this. Give yourself permission to simply do your best as you continue to process what you have been through.

If the decision to divorce wasn’t mutually arrived at, the spouse left and the spouse leaving often both struggle to move on from one another.

Stages of Divorce

There are many different models of stages of divorce that people may find helpful and identify with. I favor the Bohannan model which has six overlapping stages or experiences that a person will go through often simultaneously rather than in a linear or orderly fashion. The six stages are legal, emotional, economic, co-parental, community, and psychic.

I am often asked how long it takes to get over or get through a divorce. There is no right answer as much of the experience of divorce is managing loss and grief; often not just your own. Just as there is no timetable on grief, there is no timetable on getting past your divorce. I provide psycho-education, techniques and strategies to meet you where you are at in your process.